i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
