There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
