Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
