that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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