I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
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But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
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Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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