dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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