Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i came on her dog
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
