we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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