Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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