Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
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