If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
