im so drunk with asians
where?
always
areolas are like halos for boobs.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
