i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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