Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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