I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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