Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
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