We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
