There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
