I'm jealous of your bromance
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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