Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
