I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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