i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
