Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
