You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
