There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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