We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
