So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
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when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
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I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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