my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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