I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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