I molested 6 butterflies tonight
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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