I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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