I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Two words: blizzard sex
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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