I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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