I'm gonna have a badass scar
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
