So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So vagazzling was a success
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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