im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.