Texts From Last Night

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  (810): View more from Michigan

  You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Experience is the best teacher

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  (810): You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish (248): Experience is the best teacher http://tfl.nu/l23g
  Replies (2) Good night (1705) Bad night (675)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.

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  (563): I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase. http://tfl.nu/vq3r
  Replies (51) Good night (1095) Bad night (4495)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook

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  (925): just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook http://tfl.nu/1a75
  Replies (32) Good night (3864) Bad night (2260)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.

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  (612): you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all. http://tfl.nu/uo2n
  Replies (6) Good night (4865) Bad night (672)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.

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  (773): My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended. http://tfl.nu/c9ao
  Replies (38) Good night (1448) Bad night (3753)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.

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  (724): Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote. http://tfl.nu/ighh
  Replies (26) Good night (3956) Bad night (1617)
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation

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  (931): I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation http://tfl.nu/adcz
  Replies (7) Good night (2078) Bad night (562)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Come down off the roof.

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  (847): Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go. (314): Come down off the roof. http://tfl.nu/d3mp
  Replies (3) Good night (2016) Bad night (689)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  That dog was the best thing i ever touched

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  (636): That dog was the best thing i ever touched http://tfl.nu/rr6d
  Replies (8) Good night (872) Bad night (606)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex

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  (303): Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex http://tfl.nu/46rv
  Replies (6) Good night (874) Bad night (352)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?

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  (443): There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut? http://tfl.nu/irwu
  Replies (3) Good night (319) Bad night (648)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.

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  (402): Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen. http://tfl.nu/czwa
  Replies (4) Good night (340) Bad night (892)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job

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  (618): I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job http://tfl.nu/40h9
  Replies (6) Good night (321) Bad night (611)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake

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  (805): Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake http://tfl.nu/6q42
  Replies (3) Good night (372) Bad night (529)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card

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  (217): I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card http://tfl.nu/8646
  Replies (0) Good night (600) Bad night (289)

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