We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.