508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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