D3 body, D1 cock
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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