Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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