I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
