Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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