So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
