I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
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I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
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If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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