This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize