Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
