you mean i was at the winter classic?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
