I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
