I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
