Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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