My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
