he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
