We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
