i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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