i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
