I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
