mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
