once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Randomize
