Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize