then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
