I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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