I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
