Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
